How Parents Can Best Support Their Young Athletes
If your child is training Jiu-Jitsu or any sport, you’ve probably felt that mix of excitement, pride, and maybe even nerves when watching them compete or practice. Every parent wants to help their child succeed, but the truth is that how you support them matters as much as your support itself.
At The Grappling Garden, we’ve worked with hundreds of young athletes over the years. We’ve seen that the most successful, confident kids aren’t the ones whose parents coach from the sidelines or critique every match. They’re the ones whose parents create the right environment for growth — one built on encouragement, patience, and pride in the process rather than the result.
Support Without Sideline Coaching
It’s natural to want to help your child by offering advice during practice or competition. But in reality, sideline coaching usually adds stress rather than clarity. Kids can only focus on so much in the moment, and hearing multiple voices (their coach’s and their parent’s) can cause confusion and pressure.
Research in youth sport psychology consistently shows that when parents shout instructions or corrections, children’s enjoyment drops, and their anxiety rises. The result? They perform worse and lose confidence.
What helps far more is a calm, positive presence. Smile, watch, and let them know afterward that you loved seeing their effort. Leave the technical feedback to the coaches, who are trained to guide development. Your role is to make your child feel safe, supported, and unconditionally valued, regardless of the score.
Praise the Process, Not the Outcome
Many parents tell their kids they’re proud of them after a win — which is great. But if that’s the only time pride is expressed, kids can start to link their worth to outcomes. When they lose, they may feel they’ve let you down.
A better approach is to praise their effort, attitude, and focus. These are controllable qualities — and the foundation of what psychologists call a growth mindset.
A child with a growth mindset believes they can improve through hard work, curiosity, and persistence. They don’t fear failure because they see it as part of learning. When parents emphasize effort over outcome, they help their children build resilience and confidence that lasts far beyond the mats.
Try phrases like:
“I loved how focused you were today.”
“You worked so hard to escape that position.”
“You kept your composure even when things were tough.”
These messages tell your child that what matters most is who they’re becoming, not what the scoreboard says.
Model the Mindset You Want Them to Learn
Children absorb what they see more than what they’re told. When you handle your own frustrations, failures, and stress with calm and curiosity, they learn to do the same.
If your child comes off the mat upset, resist the urge to immediately fix it. Instead, listen and ask open-ended questions:
“What do you think went well today?”
“What’s something you want to work on next time?”
This approach mirrors the same reflection and self-assessment we use in training at The Grappling Garden. It teaches children to think critically about their own progress, without judgment or shame.
Create a Healthy Relationship with Competition
Competition is valuable. It teaches courage, focus, and emotional control. But it should always serve growth, not ego.
The best parents view tournaments as tests of learning, not measures of worth. They celebrate effort and sportsmanship as much as medals. When a child sees that their parents care more about how they compete — their effort, focus, and gratitude — than whether they win, they learn to compete freely, without fear.
What Kids Remember Most
Ask adults who played sports growing up what they remember most. It’s rarely the medals or rankings. It’s the car rides home, the feeling of being supported, the lessons about effort and teamwork.
That’s the gift parents give when they support from a place of growth and gratitude. You’re not just raising an athlete. You’re helping a young person develop confidence, character, and a lifelong love for learning.
Coach Andre
Head Coach, The Grappling Garden